All my Blessings

As you may have guessed, this blog is mainly about Abby.  She is our newest blessing, and she is beautiful and absolutely perfect in every way.  But today I'd like to write about the other blessings in my life.

This is my husband Shane.  We have been married for five years now.  We had kind of a whirlwind courtship, marrying after knowing each other for just two months.  I'm sure our families thought we were crazy, and I can imagine that no one thought our marriage would work out.  But, I cannot even think of what my life would be like today without him.  Not to say that we haven't had our issues, our struggles, our blow-ups and our hurt feelings, but one thing I KNOW:  this man LOVES me!  And he loves our children.  He's a very hard worker, an excellent father, and the perfect husband for me.  I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but Shane takes my moods in his stride.  He knows that "This, too, shall pass."  He is patient and forgiving.  He looks for the best in people.  He never goes to bed angry.  He has a slightly skewed sense of humor that I find absolutely endearing, even if I do roll my eyes at a lot of his jokes.  He's so smart.  He can do advanced equations in his head, which is very handy considering I struggled through College Algebra.  He's always willing to stop what he is doing to give someone a hand.  He's also an excellent baker, and the official family dessert-maker.  And even though I know he gets overwhelmed sometimes with all he does, you'll rarely hear him complain.  He is my rock, my provider, my protector, and my best friend.  So, if you see him out somewhere, give him a big smile and pat on the back.  He is so much more than most people will ever know.

This is my adult son Dominic.  At 21 years old, he has lived through more than a lot of 40 year-olds I know.  It was just Dominic and I for so many years, and we have a beautifully strong mother-son bond because of it.  He is a mighty man of faith, and I've looked up to him several times in my life for spiritual guidance.  He is good and kind and honorable, and I am so proud of him.  He has rallied through more than a few setbacks in his young life, including young marriage, divorce, and even the death of his child, and come back stronger than ever.  He simply refuses to let life beat him down.  He is a brilliant student, an amazing big brother, and a loving son.  He's my "first-born" and there will always be a special place in my heart for him that no one will ever replace.

These pics are of my parents, Becky and Larry.  Abby (Rebekah Abigail) is named after my mother.  I can't say enough about my parents, and how supportive and encouraging they have been through this whole adoption process.  I don't think we could have done it without them.  They have held us up and kept us afloat emotionally, mentally, and financially.  They are wise and strong, and I am grateful for the values they instilled in me as a child.  That G-d comes first, but family is a close second.  They are both very active grandparents, and are always looking for things to help (spoil) their grandchildren.  A lot of people my age have lost one or both parents, and I am very blessed to still have both my parents in our lives.  I hope for and look forward to many more years with them.

I am supremely blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.  G-d help me to never take then for granted.

It's a Girl!

It's over.  It's done.  She's ours!

The day was so not like I expected!  The hearing was set for 10am, so we knew we had to be at the courthouse by at least 9:45.  It had been an unseasonably warm night the night before, and our a/c quit working, so to say that I couldn't sleep was the grossest of understatements.  I seriously slept about an hour altogether the night before, and woke up sweaty and cranky.  Unfortunately, so did Abby.  All of us were running around like crazy trying to get everyone ready, me trying to feed and dress Abby, trying to shower and dress myself, and (unsuccessfully) trying to put on makeup, which kept dripping off me the moment I put it on.  We were all stressed and tired and snippy with each other and just wanted to go and get this over and done with.

The four of us, along with my parents and aunt, were the first to arrive at the courthouse. We quickly located the courtroom and settled in the hallway on folding metal chairs and waited for everyone else to arrive.  Abby's birth parents arrived next.  They were pleasant yet quite reserved, understandable considering the occasion.  It can't have been easy to be in their position.  My heart aches for them, but at the same time, I want out of this legal limbo.  I want it to be over.  I want her to be mine.  I hate myself for the selfishness I feel, and I am torn between my compassion and my resentment.

Abby's Godparents, James and Sara arrive in time to help distract me.  Sara, as usual, cannot wait to see and hold and love up on Abby.  She loves Abby so much, and will make such a good mother some day.  I am thankful for the conversation and the distraction, and they help pass the time until our attorney arrives.

After a few more minutes (that seem like hours), the attorney arrives and checks to see if the judge is ready to see us yet.  Hours minutes later, they finally call us all in.  I am almost beside myself by this time.  My head pounds, my stomach churns, my mouth is dry, my palms are sweaty.

The judge does her best to put us all at ease.  Her smile is warm and her eyes are bright.

The proceedings go smoothly.  We are asked simple questions about ourselves, about Abby, her name change, her special needs, and whether or not we know that adoption is permanent. I guess they have to ask the question, but I find myself surprised and a little offended by it.  OF COURSE we do!  What do you think we are here for!  But I just smile and nod, and say, "Yes, your honor."


When it is C's turn for questions, she responds favorably.  I'll admit that I was a little worried about what she would do.  Every day of the last four and a half months have been spent worrying that she would change her mind about allowing us to adopt Abby.  But when asked if she still consented to the adoption, she said, "Yes."  She said "Yes!"  My heart is allowed to beat again.


There was some concern that Abby's birth father was of legal age when he signed the consent papers, but it was quickly determined that he was age 19, and therefore his consent was valid.

Somehow the petition to change her name had gotten messed up, and the name we wanted to give her was not the same name as in the petition filed.  Thankfully, the judge allowed us to refile that paperwork later in the afternoon.

Her honor asked if we had anything else to add.  Shane spoke about the different ways we try to care for her and give her the best start in life.  I spoke about our large extended family, and how she will have grandparents and aunts and uncles and godparents and friends who love and adore her.  My mom spoke about how much she is loved and wanted in our family, and how she has bonded with all of us.  Then C asked to speak.  What she said blew my mind and broke my heart.  She talked about how well we cared  for Abby, how we had tried to help herself and S, how we had taken them into our home and loved Abby as our own from the very beginning.  Then she stated that, in her opinion, she could not have asked for a better set of parents for her daughter.  I couldn't hold back the tears at that point.  I could barely speak.

A few more legal back-and-forths, and the judge said the words he had been waiting to hear:  that she was granting our petition for adoption.  She was so nonchalant I almost missed it!  Does she not know what she just did?!  She just changed all of our lives forever!

Our mood was jubilant as we left the courtroom.  I wanted to hug MY DAUGHTER as soon as possible.  Shane and I hugged each other, my parents, James and Sara.  We were all laughing and smiling and talking excitedly.  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw her.

C was standing outside the courthouse, leaning against the railing and sobbing.  I had to go to her.  I had to tell her "thank you" and hug her tight and tell her I loved her.  She deserved that much.

Don't worry, Mamma C.  I will take good care of your precious baby girl.  She will always know that you loved her, and that you loved her enough to place her in our waiting and loving arms.  Thank you for your beautiful and selfless gift.

May Adonai bless you and keep you

May He shine His face upon you and be gracious unto you

May Adonai lift up His countenance upon you

And give you peace.

Thank you, Abba, for reminding me where all my blessings come from, and reminding me to show Your love and Your compassion in all situations.  I needed that reminder.  My heart overflows with gratitude.

The Night Before

This is a picture of Abby just a few days after she came home. Isn't she beautiful?

This is her at about six weeks old.

This was taken with her Daddy on Father's Day

These were the day of her baptism.

This one was taken the day of the Claybank Jamboree, our community's annual gathering.

These two were taken on Yom Kippur. Look how well she pays attention as her brother reads the Torah portion!

And these were taken just last week, at Special Citizen's Day at the National Peanut Festival.

Why this trip down memory lane? Because tonight is the night before the Big Day, and I can't help myself. I'm sitting here late at night, unable to sleep, and crawling out of my skin. So many questions and worries plague my mind. Will everything go okay? What if there's something in our home study the judge doesn't like? What if the birth mother changes her mind? Will my and my hubby's tattoos make a bad impression? What if? What if? What if?

That's the sentimentality that caused me to peruse through the hundreds of pictures we have of Abby tonight. The last seven months have been a joy, but they've gone by entirely too fast. In many ways they are a blur. But every morning when I see her smiling face peering at me from her crib, and every night when I feel her little body finally release into a sweet slumber is precious to me. Every bath, every bottle, even every diaper change is something to be savored, to be treasured. Every family occasion is so much sweeter with her. Seeing her cuddled up to her Daddy or sitting on her brother's lap can sometimes move me to tears. Her grandparents love her so much and would do anything to see that she is happy and healthy. This little girl wants for nothing.

So while we wait on pins and needles for a judge to tell us that she is our daughter, I realize something very profound: She already is. She is ours. And we are hers. Forever. What G-d has joined together, no man can separate. Not judges, or lawyers, state agencies, social workers, or even her birth parents. Whatever happens tomorrow, or years from now, can ever erase the fact that we loved her and raised her as our very own. We will never forget her, nor will she forget us. No matter what.

And that thought gives me peace for tomorrow's final hearing. If all goes as expected, my next post will be announcing that "It's a Girl!" But even if G-d has other plans for her, nothing can ever erase that she was ours. I love you, Rebekah Abigail. You are the light of my life. Thank you for letting me be your Mommy.

Why Orphans Matter

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.”


I am bitterly disappointed in my Facebook friends. Around two weeks ago, I started regularly posting links to Jaxon's Reece's Rainbow profile asking people to donate whatever they could, no matter how small an amount. I asked for spare change. I asked for just one dollar. I posted links to the RR site. I posted links to other parents' adoption blogs. Pictures. Statistics. Everything I could think of. To date, only ONE person, my beautiful cousin Mary, has donated to Jaxon's Angel Tree fundraiser. I thank her for her selfless gift. But what is wrong with the rest of my friends?

Do they see Jaxon's (NOT his real name) chubby cheeks and serene face and assume he is already being well taken care of? Do they assume that he's placed with a foster family who loves him? Do they not think a dollar or two will make a difference? Do they think that everyone else is donating so they don't have to? Do they think it's a scam, or a disreputable organization? Or...(hardest to swallow) Do they just not CARE about what happens to orphans around the world?

Let me share some disturbing facts with you all (taken from the RR website )

In Central and Eastern European countries alone (this would include Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Romania, etc, but NOT Russia), there are more than 1.5 MILLION CHILDREN who have been abandoned by their families for one reason or another and are living in "public care" (that's the nice way to put it). If statistically, 1 out of every 733 live births results in a child with Down syndrome, that means at any given time there are 2,046 children with Down syndrome who need families. THAT'S JUST IN EUROPE!! Some do not survive because of serious medical complications…some do not survive because of lack of medical attention, lack of food, lack of LOVE.

In Russia, there are over 700,000 children waiting for families, meaning at least 955 children with Down syndrome wait, languishing. In ASIA (China, Hong Kong, Korea, India), there are 3,572,000 orphans, with nearly 5000 children with Down syndrome who are unwanted. Many of those children are killed at birth. The "lucky" ones end up in orphanages and foster care situations.

In the United States alone, 137 million people claim to be Christians of some denomination. If only 1% of the Christians in this country adopted just ONE CHILD, 1.37 MILLION CHILDREN from abroad would have loving, Christian families to grow up in. Of those 1.37 million, 1,869 of those children have DOWN SYNDROME.



ORPHANS MATTER, PEOPLE!

In Eastern Europe, orphanages are called "babyhouses". While some are better than others, and have dedicated workers caring for these sweet children, the reality is this:

Orphans in Russia are herded through a maze of state structures operated by three government ministries, which compete for limited state funds and overlap in their mandates for certain categories of orphans and children with disabilities. The Ministry of Health is charged with the care of abandoned infants from birth toroughly four years of age, and houses them in 252 baby houses which are called "dom rebyonka," housing from 18-20,000 children.

All abandoned infants spend their first three to four years in a baby house, and are then distributed to institutions under the control of either the Ministry of Education or the Ministry of Labor and Social Development. Among those under the Ministry of Education, one group of children is deemed to have no disabilities, and the second group contains children diagnosed as lightly disabled, and officially termed "debil."

The most common institution for the "educable” children is called a dyetskii dom (children's home), which generally houses boys and girls. They generally attend regular Russian public schools for the compulsory nine years, where they can earn a secondary school diploma, or they can leave school at the age of fifteen.

Abandoned children may also live in school-internaty, where they receive their education inside the institution where they live. Following secondary school, these children in the care of the Ministry of Education may receive two to three years of further training in a trade, which they pursue at another boarding institution under the Pedagogical Technical Directorate (PTU). While studying skills such as carpentry, electricity, masonry, and stuffed-animal making, among others, the children are housed in dormitories staffed by the Ministry of Education.

At the age of five, the second group of orphans under the Education Ministry's purview—the debily—is channeled to spets internaty (or "auxiliary internaty"), where they reside while taking a significantly abbreviated course of education totaling six years, far short of a high school diploma. They are also offeredvocational training, but their program and residence are generally segregated from the non-debil orphans.

Under Russian law, the state must provide all orphans leaving the care of the Education Ministry with an initial stipend, housing and employment. But the economic crisis since the introduction of market reforms and privatization of apartments makes this increasingly difficult. Indeed, the prospect of life in the outside world is a source of great worry to the orphans and child welfare experts alike.

The Ministry of Labor and Social Development takes charge of orphans who are diagnosed by a board of state medical and educational reviewers as having heavy physical and mental disabilities at the age of four. Officially labeled "imbetsil" or "idiot," they are committed to closed institutions which often resemble Dickensian asylums of the nineteenth century. There they remain until the age of eighteen. Those who survive to that age are transferred to adult psychoneurological internaty, or asylums, for the duration of their lives.

Fragmentary statistics on the mortality rates in the institutions under the Ministry of Labor and Social Development indicate that these orphans are at significant risk of premature death. One leading child welfare advocate in Moscow told Human Rights Watch that estimates from government figures indicate the death rate in these internaty is twice the rate in the general population. He also knows one internat where he said that the death rate rose to as high as three and a half times the rate in the society outside its walls.

Folks, we can save these kids. We can do it one person and one dollar at a time. International adoption is prohibitively expensive for most families, and that's where wonderful orgainzations like Reece's Rainbow come in and why I'm still commited to raising money for little Jaxon (and others). They provide grant money to families that commit to adopting these "lost children" so that they can afford to bring them home. It seems so unfair that it should cost so much to rescue these kids, but there is a ransom to be paid for them and we are ALL responsible for paying it.

So, PLEASE (yes, I'm begging here), go to Reece's Rainbow or another orphan advocacy site and donate what you can? These kids don't ask for much. A dollar or two from each of my readers and my Facebook friends would help so much! Here are some of the faces of the kids you'll be helping.

Abby's Thanksgiving Smilebox

Customize an ecard

Just some cute pictures of Abby

What Messianics Believe

Our family follows Messianic Judaism as our faith.  We are asked many question as to what that means.  Some are pretty intelligent questions, and I love answering those.  Other are, well, let's say...less than intelligent and sometimes downright insulting.  So I thought I'd share with you the basic tenets of our faith and then a few other FAQs about what it means to be Messianic.

We believe:

1. In the One and Only Living G-d (D’varim 6:4) eternally existent in the Aviad (Eternal Father), HaBen (Son), and Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit). He is the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the Creator of heaven and earth (B’resheet 1:1, Yesha’yahu 42:5, Yesha’yahu 48:16, Mattityahu 28:19).
2. That Yeshua is Israel’s promised Messiah and the Redeemer of the entire human race. By His life, death and resurrection, He fulfilled the Messianic prophecies of the Tanach related to Messiah’s first coming. Yeshua, the Divine Messiah, is the fullest revelation of G-d to man (Yesha’yahu 7:14, 9:6-7, 49:6, 53:1-12, Tehillim 16:9-11, Messianic Jews 1:3).
3. That G-d made man in His own image and endowed him with a longing for intimate fellowship with G-d (B’resheet 1:26, 2:7, Tehillim 42:1-2).
4. That man’s disobedience to G-d’s revealed will (sin) caused a separation between man and G-d (B’resheet 2:16-17, Yesha’yahu 59:1-2).
5. That the only provision G-d made for reconciling man to Himself was through the atoning work of the Messiah, who died as the kiporah (atonement) for our disobedience and resurrected, manifesting the victory over sin and death (Vayikra 17:11, Yesha’yahu 53:1-12, 2 Corinthians 5:19).
6. That the Bible, both the Tanach and the B’rit Chadasha (New Covenant Scriptures), is the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of G-d, which is man’s only reliable foundation to faith and conduct (B’midbar 12:6-8, Yesha’yahu 8:20, 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
7. That all who repent from sin and trust in G-d’s salvation in Yeshua the Messiah, are born of the Ruach HaKodesh (the Holy Spirit of G-d). Trust in the Messiah as the Mediator of the New Covenant makes us true children of G-d (Yirmeyahu 31:31-34, Yechezk’el 36:24-27, Yochanan 1:11-13).
8. That those who are of the Ruach HaKodesh become members of the universal people of G-d, or the Body of Messiah. This one spiritual fellowship includes both Jews and Gentiles as equal members of this body (I Corinthians. 12:12-13, 27, Ephesians. 2:11-18, Yesha’yahu 49:6).
9. In the work and presence of the Ruach HaKodesh in the life of the believer. He brings forth the fruit of righteousness in the life of all followers of the Messiah. The Ruach HaKodesh also gives gifts, orders and leads the local body of believers, enabling the believers to become a community of service and love (Romans 8:1-4, Romans 12, I Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4:11-12).
10. That G-d gave the practices of Torah for moral instruction and as a body of cultural – national practice which would point forward to the Messiah’s work. Torah is valid as a reflection of G-d’s righteous standard and as a means of preserving a distinct nation of Israel. “Fulfillment” by the work of Yeshua does not imply the abrogation of Torah but rather bringing the Torah to its fullest meaning. Righteousness with G-d is based solely upon grace through faith (D’varim 30:11-20, 6:20-25, Tehillim 19:7-14, Mattityahu 5:17-19, Romans 3:23, 27-31, 6:23, Ephesians 2:8-9).
11. That the nation Israel is chosen by G-d to be a channel of blessing to all the nations on earth. The return of our people to their land is fulfillment of Biblical prophecy. The day will come when Israel, as a nation, will accept Messiah Yeshua and the Word of G-d shall go forth from Zion saying, “Baruch Haba B’Shem Adonai,” (Blessed is He who comes in the name of the L-RD.)  Messiah will come again to establish His world-wide rule from Jerusalem (B’resheet 2:1-3, Yesha’yahu 11, Z’kharyah 12:10, 13:1, Romans 11:26-29).
12. In the restoration of the Messianic Jewish Community which has been dormant for approximately 17 centuries. The resurrected Messianic Community is an indication of G-d’s faithfulness to His covenant people. The restoration of the Romans 11 “Olive Tree” will provide healing between Jews and Gentiles in the Body of Messiah. (Romans 9-11)
13. In the ministry of reconciliation between Jewish and Gentile members of the Body of Messiah. Our congregation undergirds and supports the Toward Jerusalem Council II initiative.  It is an initiative to repair and heal the breach, between Jewish and Gentile believers in Yeshua, dating from the first centuries of the Church.  Toward Jerusalem Council II (TJCII) is doing so primarily through humility, prayer and repentance. (Acts 15, Acts 21:17-26, Romans 11:29, Romans 11:11-24, 2 Corinthians 5:18-29, Ephesians 2:11-16)
14. In the spiritual unity of all believers in Yeshua, the Messiah. As Jewish followers of Yeshua, we are called to maintain our Jewish Biblical heritage and remain a part of our people Israel and the universal body of believers. This is part of our identity and a witness to the faithfulness of G-d (Acts 21:19-20, Yechezk’el 36:22, Ephesians 2:14, Romans 9:4).

As a congregation, we are determined to live according to the words of Yeshua in Mattityahu 22:37-40:
“He told him, ‘You are to love ADONAI your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.’  This is the greatest and most important mitzvah.  And a second is similar to it, ‘You are to love your neighbor as yourself.’  All of the Torah and the Prophets are dependent on these two mitzvot.” (CJB)

Jaxon 15H

Jaxon 15H

This is the little sweetie that we are sponsoring for Angel Tree this year. Isn't he cute? We think he resembles Abby quite a bit! Won't you please take a few minutes and a few dollars and donate to little Jaxon? He needs a Mama!

A Hope and a Future

Yirmeyahu (Jeremiah) 29:11 For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says ADONAI,'plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. (Complete Jewish Bible)

I am so glad that God has things in mind for us we never could have thought of for ourselves.  A year ago, I never could have conceived of the blessings that He has brought into our lives, let alone wished for them.  A year ago, I was a wife and mother to a 20 year-old son, feeling very much the almost-empty-nester that I was, bored and tired and frustrated with my life.  I had this fantasy that moving to Mexico would make it all better.  I knew I loved God, but I didn't feel particularly close to him, and I was sure that He didn't think about me much, either.  I had let illness and depression take hold in my life, with no concept of how to move past them.  But God knew the plans He had for me, plans to prosper me, and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.  But not just me.

It was about a year ago that I overheard my son talking about some friends of his that were expecting another baby.  Their son was just 4 months old at the time, and they were in dire financial straits.  I did not know these friends of his (whose names shall be kept private:  I will refer to them as C and S), but it was put on my heart that I should pray for them and their unborn baby, so I committed to pray for them daily.

It was also about a year ago that another of my son's friends came to live with us.  Chrissy came from a bad situation at home, and had been essentially homeless for a couple of months, and was running out of places to "crash".  We knew that there were issues with him, like  illegal drug use, that we would have to deal with.  But he was just such a likeable kid that we knew we had to help him.  So into our house he came.

"Raising" Chrissy was not always easy, and it wasn't always fun.  Three times he snuck out of our house late at night only to come back high on dope.  He was lazy, unmotivated, prone to quick temper, and often "forgot" the rules we laid out for him.  But over the months he was with us, we grew more and more attached to each other.  His behavior improved.  He became more responsible.  And he learned about Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.  It was then that Shane and I knew we could make a difference in the life of a child.  We had actually talked about adopting Chrissy, but he was so close to his 19th birthday as to make it unfeasible.  But the seeds had been sown.

A few months later, I met the friends of my son that I had been praying for.  C was very heavily pregnant by that time, and their situation has worsened to the point that they had to leave her other children in the care of a friend while they struggled to find work and a home, as they knew they were being evicted from their apartment soon.  I felt like I should help them, but what could I do?  We had already taken Chrissy into our already-crowded home.  We barely kept our own household running and our own bills paid.  I convinced myself that praying for them was the best I could do.

About 3 weeks later, we were put to the test. They had been evicted with nowhere to go but a fleabag hotel that I wouldn't leave a dog in.  So we made the decision to take them into our home as well.  Chrissy had by then decided to get an apartment with a friend of his, so  it seemed to be a sign that we were doing the right thing.

On April 11, 2011, I was blessed to be present at the birth of the little girl who would later become my daughter.  Having never actually witness a birth before, it was an amazing experience!

Two days after this little angel came into our lives, her birth parents were given the news that the doctors suspected that she had Down syndrome.  Being so young, and having never really experienced spending time with anyone who had Down syndrome, this was a devastating blow to them.  Their first thought was that they would never be able to give their little girl the help she would need to make her way in the world.  With broken hearts, they talked about placing her for adoption.

That night, after I had talked to C, and she had told me what they were considering, my husband Shane and I had a long talk.  We decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with C and S, and offer our help in any way possible, up to and including adopting her ourselves.  During that talk, we all decided that C and S would bring the baby back to our home and stay with us for a while, so that we could help them, and they could try and raise her themselves.  Little D (her birth name) came home to stay on April 15.

This is where I will be deliberately vague about what happened next.  What I will say, so as to respect everyone's privacy, is that the decision  to place her with our family for adoption was officially made on July 1, 2011.

The little girl that we now call Abby (Rebekah Abigail Destiny) has been the light and joy of our lives.  There have been learning curves to meet, issues to face, and challenges to overcome.  But we wouldn't trade a minute of it!  She is absolutely amazing!  Every victory is so much sweeter, every challenge so much more heartbreaking.  And through it all, she is the sweetest, most loveable baby girl you'd ever want to meet.

Her name, Rebekah, means, "to tie or bind together."  Abigail means, "Father's joy."  She is certainly all that and more!  She has bound our family together in ways I never thought possible!