The Night Before

This is a picture of Abby just a few days after she came home. Isn't she beautiful?

This is her at about six weeks old.

This was taken with her Daddy on Father's Day

These were the day of her baptism.

This one was taken the day of the Claybank Jamboree, our community's annual gathering.

These two were taken on Yom Kippur. Look how well she pays attention as her brother reads the Torah portion!

And these were taken just last week, at Special Citizen's Day at the National Peanut Festival.

Why this trip down memory lane? Because tonight is the night before the Big Day, and I can't help myself. I'm sitting here late at night, unable to sleep, and crawling out of my skin. So many questions and worries plague my mind. Will everything go okay? What if there's something in our home study the judge doesn't like? What if the birth mother changes her mind? Will my and my hubby's tattoos make a bad impression? What if? What if? What if?

That's the sentimentality that caused me to peruse through the hundreds of pictures we have of Abby tonight. The last seven months have been a joy, but they've gone by entirely too fast. In many ways they are a blur. But every morning when I see her smiling face peering at me from her crib, and every night when I feel her little body finally release into a sweet slumber is precious to me. Every bath, every bottle, even every diaper change is something to be savored, to be treasured. Every family occasion is so much sweeter with her. Seeing her cuddled up to her Daddy or sitting on her brother's lap can sometimes move me to tears. Her grandparents love her so much and would do anything to see that she is happy and healthy. This little girl wants for nothing.

So while we wait on pins and needles for a judge to tell us that she is our daughter, I realize something very profound: She already is. She is ours. And we are hers. Forever. What G-d has joined together, no man can separate. Not judges, or lawyers, state agencies, social workers, or even her birth parents. Whatever happens tomorrow, or years from now, can ever erase the fact that we loved her and raised her as our very own. We will never forget her, nor will she forget us. No matter what.

And that thought gives me peace for tomorrow's final hearing. If all goes as expected, my next post will be announcing that "It's a Girl!" But even if G-d has other plans for her, nothing can ever erase that she was ours. I love you, Rebekah Abigail. You are the light of my life. Thank you for letting me be your Mommy.